The teens are getting stoned again
It’s so plain can’t you see
In a world full of indifference
They’re simply trying, just to be
The teens are getting high again
Not on your poisonous pills
They’ll light that flame, without shame
Say goodbye to all their “ills”
The teens are getting baked again
Fuck big pharma and their meds
Medicinal use it constitutes
Psych wards they no longer dread
The teens are flying high tonight
Not over-medicated numb zombies
Not a lick of strife nor fear of life
No calling out for their mommies
The teens are smoking the ganja tonight
Nature walks abound
I’ll not gawk while they take their walks
They’re not hurting a soul around
The teens are being themselves tonight
Radiant laughter and munchie chewing
Could be heard across the nation
Four closing in
It’s all in your head
Or is it?
Your head whips over left shoulder, then right
You are alone
Full blown panic ensues
Clutching at nil
Bask in the warmth of the crimson
Make it your last
The pain keeps the hunger away
With a swiftness, lengthwise
Copyright: Crimson Quill: Savage Vault Enterprises 2014
***Since this article’s original creation, approximately four months ago, it is with the most purest of joy in my heart and soul that I report to ya’ll that it appears the shitstorm has ended, or at least taken a hiatus…and love and light, have truly prevailed. I originally had no intention of publishing this as I never wish to fan a flame. I honestly have zero desire to recreate waves, especially now since there is peace in the valley, so to speak. Recent events of a personal and mind-blowing, positive nature have led me to the decision of pressing that publish button. Not that I wish for one moment to reopen old wounds or rehash the past, but simply because this piece is a part of my life, and for better or for worse, I will not edit my life, for it is truth, and truth is me. To those who’ve weathered the storm, I love you and am truly glad that each of you who choose to be, remain a vital piece of my very existence. Much love…truly*** ~Heather xoxoxo
This was originally written about 2+ weeks ago after I was literally thrown under a bus by some vile individuals. I’ll not use the term “humans” to describe them as it certainly wasn’t warranted by their behavior. It was shelved then resurrected last night, as the cluster fuck continued on.
You see, after a 20 year hiatus, I’ve started to scribe again, much against my instinct, (shit was I ever wrong on that one). FATE led me here and after nearly deleting my account numerous times, I now have a concise understanding of why I am on Twitter, let alone here at all.
This being one of only my first few pieces of writing after a nearly 20 year hiatus, I accept your skepticism, in fact I welcome it.
Rumors flitting this way and that way. None of which I care to address in any such detail at the current time. I honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass regarding your ravenous appetite for disclosure. Not a single one of you is privy to this information nor should you be. In fact what I have observed lately reminds me of a game I played in grade school. We called it telephone. Ring a bell? Well it should, especially for some of you. While these things may appear harmless in the beginning make no mistake, the rumormongers are analogous to the descent of a thousand vile, putrid blood sucking vampire bats, thirsting for their next juicy meal of crimson. I may be new around RoG but I am not gullible and I’m certainly not fucking blind, deaf, nor illiterate. I see all, and what I have seen in recent weeks from some of you, brings a shot of bile straight to the back of my throat.
You see, it’s become woefully apparent to me that in recent weeks, I seem to have developed a bulls-eye of cruor right smack dab in the middle of my forehead from numerous sources. Still I carry on and I will continue to thrive. I pay zero attention to the annoying white noise in the background of MY life. Occasionally a specific comment may snag my attention for an ever fleeting moment, but make no mistake, I shrug your bullshit off before I’ve even finished reading it. The up flip of the script, goes like this…. Whenever someone genuinely and wholeheartedly emanates positivity, it invigorates me and the light which I carry within shines so brightly it is inextinguishable. It’s the most basic of principles to grasp really. Pay it forward with love and illumination, and your fuse will be sparked as well.
Prose littered with narcissism abounds and the majority, with few exception are incapable of envisioning the future of the Rivers of Grue. You’ve lost all sight of why this was started in the first place. RoG was not created to encourage competition of any kind. Your tunnel vision is filled with feeble-minded narcissism, which contain delusions of grandeur and are utterly flooded with paranoia.
In the beginning, I was “welcomed,” overwhelmed by what my child like eyes, deceived me to be, open arms filled with love, into the TOK and ROG families. This brood appeared to be such a wonderous seemingly close-knit “family.” With regard to some individuals, their sincerity remains steadfast and true. I was seemingly encouraged and supported by those I held in high regard, and considered close to my heart. While this remains solidly true for some writers of RoG, what a crock of shit it is with respect to specific others. Unbeknownst to me there was already a bit of unrest in the rivers prior to my surfacing. In addition, I inadvertently and unknowingly upset an imaginary balance and was completely ostracized, my internal organs strung about for the world to gape at. Amazing what transpires when a newbie becomes a perceived threat and that is precisely what occurred on multiple levels.
My cognizance of RoG IS that it was and still IS, a COMMUNITY. Once again folks, perhaps it’s time to bust out those dictionaries and refresh those cerebellums with what the true definition of community is. Community implies JOINT OWNERSHIP, and any thriving community embraces such a practice. Community, ” UNIFIED population composed of various types of individuals, sharing a COMMON interest.” What I have witnessed does not begin to come to close to unification, nor joint ownership, with very little exception.
I may be, the “newbie” here in town and believe me, I do possess the ability to understand what that means to some of you, but make no mistake, I am nobody’s fucking doormat, nor shall I ever be. As I mentioned in my first published piece I said I was here to stay, and I meant it. I was not “placed” here to love and cherish when it suits your fancies, to help you get your rocks off, or to gain the attention you so incessantly seek from certain individuals. Do not ever think for the slightest of moments that I will endorse, nor tolerate your attempts at causing me any pain by digging those spiked heels some of you seem to adore so much, yet likely couldn’t stuff your plumpened feet into. I have never taken kindly to bullies and I certainly don’t intend to start now. Take me or leave me, love me or despise me, your opinions matter not. I scribe with the conviction of a thousand assassins and not a single one of you will ever be capable of halting that.
You display such hypocrisy that it sickens the stomach. Using your thinly veiled, sometimes even translucent attempts to inflict pain upon one another, then refer to it as “writing.” I keep shit real, always telling it I see it. Honestly, attempting to run off anyone you perceive to be a potential threat, is the approach of true cowards. It also goes against the very reason that ROG was formed. Is it truly so difficult to LOVE one another?
The most benign of souls has created a haven for us, for ALL of us. A place of censorship-free tranquility, to express our deepest and most creative selves. A safe place to rest our weary souls and to lean on each other, to support and to share common interests with one other. I’m certain it was not built to endorse any sort of competition in any way, shape or form. So knock off the petty bullshit and show this site the love and devotion that it truly deserves. Build your fellow scribes up with TRUE and GENUINE encouragement, without any expectations implied. In case you’ve failed to notice, his most recent pieces have undergone a significant metamorphosis, are scribed with the utmost integrity (as always) and are absolutely fucking phenomenal. Not that they haven’t been before, but damn, the bombs being dropped lately are fucking mind-blowing! I’m sure you are all aware well aware that he could easily stand on his own two feet with ease, yet he makes a conscious and vigilant effort to spread the love and extend his outstretched open arms to each of you. Will you accept? I beg of you now, erase the hate and cease trying to pathetically build your own esteem by tearing down that of others. It always backfires in the end anyway. I know I can happily accept what I see when I look in the mirror, the question is, can you…..
Love is most crucial to the survival of all humankind that dwell on this planet. Will you spread real love or will you choose to depress the self-destruction button……I for one, will always choose love.
Anesthesia line has been sliced
Gasping for oxygen
Obstacles, merely illusions
Oceans eagerly await arrival
Eternity visible on the horizon
Not angst, vacillation nor gallinipers
capable of disintegration
Vultures circle the waterhole
Lacking the urge to attempt to resist
Prior discourse laid to rest
A new era of dawn draws nearer
Beguiled by progressive development
Veil tossed to the wind
Vibrations multiply in breadth and depth
Undeniable since inception
Unanticipated by twin souls
Purely raw and authentic
Entwined for eternity
Never again exiled in loneliness
Cloaked in my protective sheath
Remaining strong and secure
Hearts and souls bound forevermore
No doubts, nor fears
More than a mere affection
Sorrow for the miles that separate
A radiant sight
As trust is earned
Obstacles no match for souls united
We are one
we have ever been
Complex components, simplified
Silent mutual understanding
Our souls speak openly sans words
It is thought
More importantly it is felt
I am alive
His presence awakens that which I had long thought to be dead inside of me
Steadfast refusal regarding the rat race
Surprised by my catalyst
Whose prose irradiates my soul
Angel in disguise
Modestly undervaluing the impact his essence delivers unto me
Fuck a mundane existence
So much more to be had
It will be
My eyes, arms and lips open wide
I shall never sleep……again
Until I am in his arms
Your Living Dead Girl XO
❤ ❤ ❤
I could easily flood the parchment with meaningless prose. I however choose to take a different path. Simply a matter of preference. As I make my first attempt to lift the quill in over 20 years, sheer terror fills my blood. I want to scream out in frustration. Where do I begin this journey. Synapses begin firing into overdrive, as I frantically race to filter the hastening thoughts that scatter across my mind like notes dancing across a page of a complex violin solo. My brain, flooded like the New York Stock Exchange ticker is desperate to reach out and pluck a topic, any topic from the endless, ever flowing stream. My undiagnosed A.D.D. has shifted abruptly into overdrive as more than two decades of thoughts bleed from my brain. It’s as if someone has shaken up a bottle of Dom Perignon and popped the cork.
Currently cut off from the modern world due to my rural location at the moment, I am forced to commence. Procrastination, one of my best friends and worst enemies, has come to a screeching halt. I experience a multitude of emotions, some light, some inspiring and un suprisingly I discover that which lies beneath the surface which I’ve barely begun to scratch, are sentiments which are by far more complex. Being cut off from the internet and all cell service at this exact moment, is both a blessing and a curse. Interestingly enough it was the internet that delivered me here in the first place. The lifelines known as social media have offered an escapism from reality. Although a temporary one, it is similar to all mechanisms of evasion. It is a desertion I am grateful for in this case however. The infamous anomaly known as Twitter has afforded me the luxury of connecting with some of the most brilliant and empathetic souls I have ever had the pleasure of stumbling across. I have been thrown a lifeline which I am delighted to discover, is more precious to me than good ol’ oxygen itself. Freed from the shackles that bind, I compose. Merely existing simply won’t do anymore. It is through the prose of one kind, encouraging and flattering soul via a most unlikely platform, that I am even here at all. (more to follow soon, as it is more than deserving of a separate piece, you know who you are <3)
At 39 years of age I feel as though I’ve lived the life of a 70 year old. This is a both an explicit and oblique outcome of the decisions I alone have made. With each choice we are given, those we select shape the concurrent paths that are presented to us. I find it akin to a Choose Your Own Adventure book series and I’ve one hell of a tale to tell. I firmly believe “to each his or her own,” but as a self imposed perfectionist I choose quality over quantity every time. More than 20 years of screwed up, askew thoughts have been cluttering my mind, tearing up my psyche and crippling my utter soul. Pandora’s box has just been opened. I feel like an awkward church attending adolescent who’s just had her cherry popped for the first time. Every thought I experience is brand new. I am rushed with endorphins, unsure of where this will lead but finding this adrenaline surge quite delectable and much too powerful to deny. Flooded with a mixture of paralyzing fear and pure ecstasy too tantalizing to disallow, I painstakingly edit and struggle to condense more than nine pages and counting, of my ramblings. I vow to emerge triumphant though scarred, battered and bruised. I still own the burning will to survive and to thrive.
Speaking of survival, I have dedicated my years on this planet to assisting those who need it most. Forgoing any and all in my personal best interest to save these wounded fledglings. This is who I am at the very core of my being. Along my travels, I’ve encountered some who have chosen to attempt to build themselves up by tearing others down. I choose to nurture those in need, encouraging them to spread their wings and fly. I kiss their bleeding wounds while embracing them and basking them with light and love. I heal them with words of encouragement and provide safe harbor until their wounds have healed and their own personal storms have passed. I embrace them until they feel safe enough to muster their strength and utter the words, “I will try again.”
Years of living the mundane simply won’t do anymore. I now begin the process of attempting to sort out my jumbled thoughts. Through the ever so kind and encouraging words of another, for which I will be indebted for all eternity, I begin a chapter anew. Always taking the path least traveled, I struggle and I rise yet again. The day of a new dawn has arrived. I intend to embrace it fully. I advise you all to take a seat and gather your most beloved thirst quenching beverage. It’s a long winding road and my ass isn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.