Climbing the walls ’til my nailbeds bleed

Words on your tongue, only built to deceive.

No energy left to go blow for blow

Secrets exposed, with nowhere to go

No reason to fear, I won’t call your bluff

I truly do think that I’ve had enough

Sorrow coursing steadily through all of my veins

Refusing to let emotion take over the reins

Whatever the outcome I’ll shall rest assured

Being played by you has been fucking absurd

You wormed your way in with pizzaz and a smile

A wolf in sheep’s clothing, well disguised all the while

Always setting your mark and you making your moves

Not giving one fuck about who you lose

Gave you all that I had, but it wasn’t enough

What will you do now that I know all of your stuff

Lies upon lies, hurt swells, then subsides

Lips pursed tight, no one more the wise

Rest that worried mind, your secrets I will keep

Question is though, how did I get in so deep

Searing agony inside, but my feelings I stuff

Realizing that I will never be enough

I kept it so real through thick and through thin

Despite all my pain throbbing deep from within

I wish you no harm, want to see you succeed

I believe in your mission, your hopes and your dreams

No one with a conscience could do what you do

But remember in time, karma always comes due

Everything now, so thoroughly clear

Try all you want, but you can’t be sincere

A suffering soul, projecting self hate

Immeasurable pain, no one else can translate

Let business be business and peasure be pleasure

Giving you support through joint endeavors

No longer will I be your pawn

Should I or shouldn’t I make you gone


We Grew Up in a Fucking Magical Place

So recently Woodstock has suffered a tremendous loss. Just seeing the outpouring of love and togetherness that I also used to experience in Woodstock growing up is really truly a beautiful thing.  I have seen people pop up that I haven’t heard from in years I took a drive to Cooper Lake today while blasting Blind Faith’s “Can’t find my way home,” and I realized the root of some of my sadness is that I’m constantly trying to recreate isn’t necessarily connected to one soul, but a time, an era and everything that came with it. Our lives were tremendously care free, feel good and “live you life times.”  A time when we all took care of each other, when life was much more simple.  Although I was not ever super close to Matt Robb, we were friends and I definitely recall many days in the band room or orchestra room as I was a violin geek (still am), and at rehearsals and gigs for the band. Amy Flint and Purdey T Darrow were always around Jenn Sirico was usually somewhere… One time you guys played at a party on Sawkill for Oblivion Grin. I had special birthday cake, woke up in the yard the next day. I once smoked a lucky charm out of a homemade bong. I rocked a “Mama Said Knock You Out” ring and drove my first car, the ganjamobile.  We were all just feeling good and being ALIVE and even at 44 years old, I have so many to thank for those times and they are the best memories of my life, so young, so wild and so carefree.
Crazy how we couldn’t wait to grow up, not realizing that at the time that it didn’t get better than it was. Crazy times. But that’s what I think we’re maybe missing in out hearts these days and although I am beyond sad about Matt, I see a lot of people reliving some pretty tremendous memories.  I see unity. I see names popping up from long ago and all of this has sent my brain into memory lane overdrive.  I absolutely adore reading everyone’s memories as I know I’m not the only one that feels the way I do. I feel right at home, like I am. I can feel the love flowing, and it’s a beautiful thing.  I snapped this at Cooper Lake today while reading everyone’s posts, and thinking about Matt, and all of my Onteoran family, reminiscing. It was drizzling when I arrived and then the sun slowly started creeping out into the magnificent sky from behind the clouds and just being there, I felt so much love and such a sense of belonging.  I’d like to think that the sun was Matt peeking out and saying hello to all of us. Like I told Purdey earlier, “we grew up in such a magical fucking place man.” Every morning from now on, I will spend a few moments each day being grateful for the memories and the ones who helped to make them. I will think of memories and bask in their joy. If I see any of you instead of acting shy and not recognizing you because it might be awkward and I have anxiety, I will say hello and highly encourage everyone to do the same with me and each other! Just love each other. We will mourn together and we will heal together. Sending so much love out to everyone!
PS: I started to tag just a few people, but it’s by no means a complete list. Love you guys.

Fast Forward

Latest introspective from me, Scarlet.
Silence your inner demons once and for all!


Suggested Audio Candy:

Simple MindsSanctify Yourself


 Why is it that so many of the souls I am so very blessed to come into contact with on a daily basis seem to lack belief in themselves? Yes my beloved Grueheads I am speaking to you. I may come across as Scarlet Genesis, companion of Keeper of the Crimson Quill, oozing confidence from every pore all day, all night, and a natural-born leader, but let me assure you this is not always the case. I love y’all too damned much to ever tell any lies. I scribe brutally honestly and unapologetically, I feel it only fair to warn you that true to mirroring life, things aren’t always as they appear. Surprised? I thought not.


I know for certain some of you have sussed out the above, as you have reached out to me, offering the strength and warmth of your…

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Everyone Loves a Kidder

Keeper honors a true blue, true grue, original Gruehead…
Peter Kidder ❤


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Kiss Heaven’s on Fire


As you will be aware, there is nothing that pleases me more than to pay it forward. Increasingly of late it has been my intention to celebrate some of the phenomenal talent currently percolating in the horror industry. Should a project resonate or an individual do the same then I will happily sing praise and pledge my allegiance to their cause. Recently I have scribed a number of articles based on spreading the love for those who fit the bill. However, I am always mindful of my roots, and the gentleman I wish to discuss today has been a Gruehead since the very start.


Peter Kidder is a glorious soul and many of you would already have had the pleasure of interacting with him via Twitter. Day after day he spreads the love and has never once has he been anything less than…

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The ABCs of Grue

What does it mean to be a Gruehead? Keeper informs y’all here.


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Tangerine DreamForce Majeure


I love nothing more than a good breakdown. There are 26 letters in our fine alphabet and each possess an infinite of different uses. Here is my A-Z of what makes a Gruehead. Alas, I cannot pledge my solemn oath that some won’t be ludicrous in the extreme but, should you be reading this now, then a fair clutch at least should resonate. So, without further a do or don’t, let’s dig a little deeper beneath the veneer shall we?

A is for Appraisal


It is all too easy knocking another for their willingness to put themselves out there and we’re all culpable of being critical on some level. When I dissect a piece of art which somebody has placed out there in the public domain; my first consideration is not to rummage for fault and instead to search for the positives. It…

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20 Seconds to Live

Do yourselves a favor and check out 20 Seconds to Live. It will not disappoint!


Suggested Audio Candy:

Silver Bullet20 Seconds to Comply


Twenty seconds isn’t a great deal of time. The elderly can stretch out one continuous stream of flatulence for longer and any prematurely ejaculating keen masturbators amongst us would already be on damage limitation duties by the time this particular bell has tolled. When you think of it, Sadako from Ringu was actually a rather generous incubus by affording whomever watched her VHS cassette seven days to complete their bucket lists. By comparison, twenty seconds seems downright measly. If a clock appeared in the corner of my screen denoting the final one-third of a minute of my existence then I would likely either succumb to a burst embolism or come over all Seppuku and simply end it all before death had the satisfaction of claiming me.


For as much as twenty seconds is a flash in the pan to consider your…

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