Making Conversation

We will talk with each other and to ourselves, side by side…Lol, like no other….
An eye opening read by Keeper….


Suggested Audio Candy:

Simon & GarfunkelThe Sound of Silence


I have never been particularly good at making conversation. Give me a quill and I shall blather on until the cows come home to graze but place a microphone in my hand and I am likely to freeze on the spot with eyes glazed over in a blank expressionless stare. I think the real problem has always been small talk; the kind of lightweight time-passing froth we would ordinarily engage in when on a first date. There is such thing as a comfortable silence but I seemed to fare better with the uncomfortable ones. After a certain amount of time muted the pressure mounts and so does the likelihood of uttering something vastly ridiculous. By a certain point my thoughts become wiped clean like etch-a-sketch and I’m left with nothing. Nothing to stop my opposite number considering me potentially the…

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How About Those Nineties

Child of the 90’s???


Suggested Audio Candy:

LenSteal My Sunshine


Recently I released a post which looked back affectionately at the eighties and their relevance in history. I made no secret of the fact that I have a lot of love for the epoch, particularly given the fact that it coincided tidily with my first significant growth spurt. However, as much as it resonated with many of you born around the same time, anybody a little later to the party were left forlorn as I candidly dissed the decade which followed. Thus, I have decided to put things right and honor a period which often receives something of a hard time. I was careering towards my twentysomethings by the time 1989 waved us adieu so my recollections may not be so rose-tinted but I will endeavor to give credit where it’s due and hopefully right some of my wrongs in the process.

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Breast Intentions


Suggested Audio Candy:

Black Oak ArkansasBig Titties (I Want A Woman With)


“Guess what?”

Thrill me”

“I have the most tremendous breasts”

“Come again”

“I got it done. Finally put my money where my mouth is and went for it”

“Get out of town”

“I would but my tits are too heavy to carry that far”

“You actually did it?”

Uh huh. Last Wednesday. I’m now the proud owner of a pair of voluptuous bosoms”

“and so begins the back pain”

“You’re just jealous”

“I haven’t even seen them yet”

“They’re like a couple of prize winning pumpkins. So, you coming over for a fondle or not?”

“Not I’m afraid”

“Boo hiss”

“Look, I’m sure your new tits are marvelous and more power to you for actually getting them done. While I’m sure your thrilled to have upgraded from dachshund ears to fully-loaded fun bags, I’ve got a ton…

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First Time

First Time


Suggested Audio Candy:

Art GarfunkelBright Eyes


Sex is an absolute mind field. Whomever is responsible for dreaming up such a ridiculous act really ought to be ashamed of themselves if you ask me. I’m not saying it doesn’t cum without its own exclusive benefits but there are just so many do’s and don’ts to remember. Do make sure you wear protection, do be sure to scrub your genitalia thoroughly an hour before commencement, don’t overshoot the landing stretch by an inch or so as your partner may not be best pleased by any ill-advised rear entry. There’s just so many things to bear in mind; it’s a wonder any actual coitus ever takes place. Yet, when Mr and Mrs Bunny engaged in educational intercourse way back during secondary school; it all appeared something of a cinch. Mount your opposite number and, a few hearty thrusts later, baby…

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Almost Human


Suggested Audio Candy:

The Rolling StonesGimme Shelter


Humans are such fickle creatures. Most of us try our level best to remain civilized; keep up appearances and always look on the bright side of life. However the other day, whilst attempting to ignore a news report, I was taken aback by a headline involving the Black Friday epidemic which has found its way across the shores to the UK. Many would have been appalled by the exposé; sickened by the scenes of normal everyday people acting like they had just contracted the rage. Not Keeper; I almost pissed my breaches and found it funnier than anything Eddie Murphy has done since the eighties. To be fair it was a mixture of downright hilarity and intense fascination. I’ve spent my life people watching and even endured over ten years in the retail sector as punishment for my crimes against ambition.During that…

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Halloween: The Witching Hour

Like Tom Adkins? You’ll LOVE This! Keeper Kicks off the Halloween Season with, The Witching Hour. Incredible Dark Fiction, Satirical Black Comedy!

Halloween: The Witching Hour


Suggested Audio Candy:

John Carpenter & Alan Howarth Halloween III Theme


Saturday, October 23 had started out like any other Saturday night at Haddonfield General. The usual eclectic mix of drunks, time-wasters and ominous domestic injuries. Last week a man was admitted with a loafer lodged in his rectum. Despite his insistence that it was just an innocent slip while lathering, we both knew the truth. Since when does that daily rubdown extend to giving your small intestine the old ‘wax on, wax off’? The obligatory x-ray was more akin to carving open Jaws to discern his daily intake. An old boot, rolled up copy of Mad Magazine and the obligatory license plate all shared residency with his internal organs and there was to be no digging himself out of that particular hole. I gave him some creme and sent him packing, then watched as he…

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Better Off Dead (1985)

Keeper’s Brilliantly Scribed, Insightful Appraisal of a True Classic!

Crimson Quill’s Appraisal #277

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Number of Views: Infinite
Release Date: August 23, 1985
Genre: Comedy
Country of Origin: United States
Box office: $10,297,601
Running time: 97 minutes
Director: Savage Steve Holland
Screenplay: Savage Steve Holland
Producers: Gil Friesen, Michael Jaffe, Andrew Meyer
Cinematography: Isidore Mankofsky
Score: Rupert Hine
Studios: A&M Films, CBS Theatrical Films
Distributors: Warner Bros., Paramount Pictures
Stars: John Cusack, Diane Franklin, Curtis Armstrong, David Ogden Stiers, Kim Darby, Amanda Wyss, Aaron Dozier, Demian Slade, Scooter Stevens, Yuji Okumoto, Brian Imada, Laura Waterbury, Daniel Schneider, Chuck Mitchell, Vincent Schiavelli, Taylor Negron, Rick Rosenthal, Elizabeth Daily

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Suggested Audio Candy:

Rupert Hine With One Look (The Wildest Dream)

better_off_dead_review (1)

We’ve all been there. I’m speaking of the pang of rejection; one minute we’re dating the perfect girl or guy, adorning our sleeping quarters with paraphernalia of our significant others, and spending hours upon hours daydreaming of the time when we settle…

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