A Wrinkle in Time

For all of my pandemic night owls…stay strong and create. I love you.

Shadows dance, on dark concrete

Drifting, shifting, endlessly

Thoughts converge, and then take shape

While flickering flames, illuminate

Feeling serene, under cloak of night

Bereft of impulse to fight, or take flight

Silhouettes emerge, beneath the moon

Creating safe havens, for ideas to bloom

Tranquilites flourish, while criticism’s subdued

Assertions declared, sans need to elude

Emotions float freely, boundless, unencumbered

Until the sun rises, upon eyes of wonder

Fear

“It is said that before entering the sea a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has come, from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding road
going through forests and villages.

And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.

The river can’t go back; no one can go back.

Going back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s when the river will know that it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but about becoming the ocean.”

Khalil Gibran

“We have two choices, either, live with all this, & condemn future generations to the same, or worse, if they have a future at all.” ~Bob Akavian

Timeless

History repeats itself. Came across this poem written in 1869, reprinted during 1919 Pandemic.

This is Timeless….

It was written in 1869 by Kathleen O’Mara:

And people stayed at home
And read books
And listened
And they rested
And did exercises
And made art and played
And learned new ways of being
And stopped and listened
More deeply
Someone meditated, someone prayed
Someone met their shadow
And people began to think differently
And people healed.
And in the absence of people who
Lived in ignorant ways
Dangerous, meaningless and heartless,
The earth also began to heal
And when the danger ended and
People found themselves
They grieved for the dead
And made new choices
And dreamed of new visions
And created new ways of living
And completely healed the earth
Just as they were healed.

Reprinted during Spanish flu
Pandemic, 1919
Photo taken during Spanish Flu

When Love was the Loudest

As part of my newly formed “pandemic” writings page, I will be including random pieces that I find. Today’s was discovered on Facebook and is written by a local teacher in the next county over, Gabby Baker. This struck a particular chord within. Enjoy. Love one another (from a distance). Spread love to NY, we need all we can get.

 

 

 

Light
Looking and listening to birds as we are alone with one another
Terrifying tabulations of what may be to come
Horrified to handshake or hug, “no touching!”
Fear and familiarity as we pass by each other
Ventilate, breathe.
Ventilators breathe maybe two at a time.
Walk alone. My sister and my brother walk along?
Careful don’t want to be a carrier: carrying each other into an unknown
Cancelled, closed, careful, call on people.
Share so more can be there.

Zooming in zooming out just to see faces and familiar places
Free free free but it comes with a fee
Gloved, loved and rise above
Masks masked
Where does this lead?
Is there an end?
Our kids become our students and our students our kids
Two week increments of school day by day
Governors, guidance, and churches closed
Who will remain?
Look for the love

Sewers and sewers with toilet paper commodities for the commode
Everything was, now everyone is essential
Social distance to go the distance
Hope abounds through it all, risking and rewarding with life most precious.

Masked major leaguers in medicine, maintenance, moving, markets and mental health.
Making me a priority
Grocery bills, grocery times, groceries galore
Kindness is more.

d8c52lr-4251cd9e-00e3-407b-aa02-996216960150

Curb yourself, Curb your Enthusiasm just for a laugh
Nighttime Netflix and no one knows where we are going.
We’re staying in, if there is an inn to stay.
Eldery and infirmed behind glass restricted but to revere, remember, regard, relish, respect.
Look but don’t touch.
Life is worth too much.

But here we are. Hope seeing us for who we can be, without all the hype, hysteria, makeup and masks.
Give gratitude for gifts we may have once taken for granted
Rise up singing like your Italian Grandpa or family of whom you are proudest
In years we can share our story of when love was the loudest.

 

 

Pandemic

I can’t even remember when our lives exactly changed but it sure feels as though it happened overnight. The last few weeks, nothing but a blurred speck in the depths of my memory…will forever live in infamy in the depths of my mind. Marks so indelible, they have scarred skin and tissue for life. I come to you live and raw, on March 28, 2020, from the US Epicenter, NY.

I am all over the map with my emotions lately but first and foremost I’d like to address the sheer exhaustion that I hear about a majority of people absolutely identifying with. Personally, as an individual who battlers anxiety and PTSD on a daily basis, I’m accustomed to living life 24/7, 365 in a flight or fight state of being

Therefore yes, while I am exhausted, I am well aware of why and I feel that I’m seeing a lot of people asking why they are so exhausted. Survival is exhausting peeps. It’s your body’s physiological response to a threat, rather rooted in reality or paranoia, it matters not. You, me, we all, were designed with staunch survival modes built in for lifelong survival optimization. It’s called “hypervigilence,” and I for one, can thank it for keeping me alive.

In times such as during this Corona pandemic, the innate will to survive and the mechanisms it employs can be endlessly tiring. My advice, don’t stress about stressing. What you are feeling, whether on a conscious or subconscious level, IS real and is warranted. Rather than wait and exacerbate it by hinting endlessly for it’s etiology, acknowledge it, accept it, and let…it go…. Know it is what is is, acknowledge it, accept it and set it free. Let your inner voice be your guide. Feeling tired? Take a nap, just go with the flow. It’s okay to feel afraid in these times of certain uncertainty. More to follow soon. Love yourselves and the people you’re quarantined with. You’re all you may have in the coming weeks.

Undertow

Climbing the walls ’til my nailbeds bleed

Words on your tongue, only built to deceive.

No energy left to go blow for blow

Secrets exposed, with nowhere to go

No reason to fear, I won’t call your bluff

I truly do think that I’ve had enough

Sorrow coursing steadily through all of my veins

Refusing to let emotion take over the reins

Whatever the outcome I’ll shall rest assured

Being played by you has been fucking absurd

You wormed your way in with pizzaz and a smile

A wolf in sheep’s clothing, well disguised all the while

Always setting your mark and you making your moves

Not giving one fuck about who you lose

Gave you all that I had, but it wasn’t enough

What will you do now that I know all of your stuff

Lies upon lies, hurt swells, then subsides

Lips pursed tight, no one more the wise

Rest that worried mind, your secrets I will keep

Question is though, how did I get in so deep

Searing agony inside, but my feelings I stuff

Realizing that I will never be enough

I kept it so real through thick and through thin

Despite all my pain throbbing deep from within

I wish you no harm, want to see you succeed

I believe in your mission, your hopes and your dreams

No one with a conscience could do what you do

But remember in time, karma always comes due

Everything now, so thoroughly clear

Try all you want, but you can’t be sincere

A suffering soul, projecting self hate

Immeasurable pain, no one else can translate

Let business be business and peasure be pleasure

Giving you support through joint endeavors

No longer will I be your pawn

Should I or shouldn’t I make you gone